Coaching is a collaborative relationship that is formed to help an individual identify and reach goals, devise solutions, actualize potential, and achieve positive growth and transformation.
Further, the International Coach Federation (ICF), a nonprofit organization formed by practicing coaches, defines coaching as “partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.”
Coaching views the client as a whole, capable, and resourceful individual. A coaching relationship can be either short or long term. While some coaches employ a directive approach, providing explicit guidance and instructions for the client, it can be argued that a non-directive approach is more aligned with the overall practice of coaching.
Distinguishing Coaching from Related Practices
Counselling provides help with emotional or psychological matters, usually by a professional. Compared with coaching, the counselling relationship can be more hierarchical, while the coaching relationship is one of equals. Counselling tends to focus more on the past, while coaching focuses on the present and the future.
Managing typically involves a greater degree of direction and control on the part of the manager, in comparison to coaching. In a business environment, a manager may map out a plan for an individual or group of individuals to achieve a pre-set goal. In a coaching relationship, the client may determine the goal as well as the action plan for reaching that goal.
Mentoring is characterized by a more experienced and usually older individual advising a younger, less experienced individual. It is not unusual for a mentor to offer advice or share his or her experiences in detail.
Teaching and training are focused on the acquisition of new skills and knowledge, while coaching is focused on actualizing and leveraging existing skills, knowledge, and talents. While learning is a key component of coaching as well as teaching and training, learning that occurs in the context of coaching is largely self-directed and self-assessed.
Coaching Goals and Aims
Exercise: Coaching Goals and Aims
Read each goal and then identify the type of coaching that would be most appropriate for that goal. You may wish to refer back to the types of coaching mentioned at the beginning . This exercise will help you to become familiar with the different types of coaching and a sampling of specific goals you might encounter as a coach.
Tony is a single 40-year-old man who says, “I’m not where I want to be.”
Suzanne is the CEO of her own company. She wants guidance on managing employees and creating a positive company atmosphere.
Nate has mounting credit card debt that he wants to pay off as soon as possible.
Ruth has been a nurse for 10 years and she is burned out. What can she do?
Bob has recently recovered from a heart attack. He wants to create a healthy lifestyle and manage his health through diet and exercise.
John is a Type-A alpha male and a high-level manager at a large corporation. He would like his team to more easily achieve benchmarks and he wants to get the most from employees.
An elementary school has a large percentage of students who read below grade level. The principal and teachers want all students reading at or above grade level.
A mid-sized company has just undergone an external review process and would like to overhaul its workplace culture.
Christine has two young children and works part time. She wants to find a way to manage her stress and be at her best both at work and home.
Harold wants assistance finding the right person to marry.
Coaches Attributes
Effective coaches tend to be conscientious, open, extroverted, emotionally stable, self-aware, ethical, trustworthy, caring, adaptable, good communicators, nonjudgmental, respectful, and positive.
Further, in their book The Early Childhood Coaching Handbook, Dathan D. Rush and M’Lisa L. Sheldon suggest that good coaches choose relationship over control. They offer the useful acrostic: Competent, Open, Adaptable, Caring, Honest (C-O-A-C-H) .
Intuition is also an important ingredient of great coaching, adding another dimension of perception.
Benefits of Coaching for the Individual, Community, and Society
Given coaching’s emphasis on reaching goals, finding solutions, and actualizing potential as well as growth and change, the potential positive impact for the individual, community, and society is substantial.
Whether working with individuals, corporations, or organizations, coaches and the coaching approach induce forward movement. Just a single individual can help shift their family, work team, and other organizations to which they belong.
Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy and Neuro-Linguistic Programming
CBT is a group of therapies based on the principle that thoughts cause our feelings and behaviours, not external factors such as people or situations. By changing our thoughts, we can change our feelings and behaviours.
NLP has been variously defined. Generally conceived, it is a model of human communication and behaviour that deals with the connection between neurological processes (“neuro”), language, (“linguistic”), and patterns of behaviour (“programming”). Both of these fields are complex, each meriting its own course of study.
CORE COACHING SKILL 1
Establishing Coaching Relationships
Boundaries
Establishing and maintaining strong personal and professional boundaries benefits both the coach and the client. Personal boundaries serve to define our personal physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual space. Boundaries keep us safe and allow us to take care of ourselves. Some boundaries are socially and legally defined; for example, physical or sexual behaviour that does not respect personal boundaries becomes abusive.
Effective coaches also respect the boundaries of the practice of coaching by recognizing when a different modality (such as counselling or training) may be a better fit for a client. In particular, immediately refer a client to a trained therapist if any of the following indicators appear:
An increase in feelings of hopelessness or despair
A sustained inability to sleep or excessive sleep
Marked changes in behaviour, feelings, or appetite
Unresolved emotions or events from the past continue to surface
Suicidal thoughts / statements
Reflection: Boundaries
Would you say that you have strong, sufficient, or weak boundaries in your personal and professional relationships? If your boundaries are weak or merely sufficient, how you can make them stronger? Identify specific areas where your boundaries are weak, draft a plan for putting strong boundaries in place, and then take the necessary actions.
Rapport
In a coaching context, establishing rapport involves meeting another person where they are using specific techniques. Rapport allows the coach to see the world from the client’s point of view.
More specifically, as Jacquie Turnbull explains in her book Coaching for Learning, you can match body language, voice, and language to create rapport.
Body language speaks volumes about a person’s mood, outlook, comfort level, and self-image. Notice everything: does the person have their legs and arms crossed or uncrossed? Are they slouching or sitting up straight? Is their torso open or hunched over? Are they holding their head or mouth in a particular fashion? Match whichever element allows you to feel most “in sync” with the person.
Then listen to voice itself: is it tight, breathless, low, high, slow, fast, singsong-y, monotonous? Again, match the aspect that feels most important to you. Finally, matching language is a very easy and important way to create rapport. If, for example, your client says, “My head is throbbing,” you might respond by asking, “Why is your head throbbing?” rather than “Why do you have a headache?” Creating rapport in these ways is an important first step in establishing effective coaching relationships.
Respect
Mutual respect is essential for effective coaching relationships. As a coach, you can cultivate respect by acknowledging your clients as complete, whole individuals who know the answers and solutions that are best for them. Honour their choices, values, beliefs, and boundaries by not attempting to convince them otherwise and by offering your support.
Remember that the coaching relationship is co-created by both coach and client. You can also create an environment of mutual respect by interacting with your clients as equals. Fair business policies regarding fees, scheduling, and cancellations also contribute to an atmosphere based on mutual respect.
Trust and Safety
Creating rapport, establishing mutual respect, keeping your word, and providing honest feedback are some of the building blocks of trust. Congruency and integrity are equally crucial. When you are congruent and living with integrity, your actions are aligned with who you are. You are not hiding anything. While gaining trust generally takes time, people can often sense whether someone is congruent or not.
Confidentiality
It is a good idea to formally communicate your confidentiality policies from the start of your coaching relationship. Find out and include what you are legally required to disclose to law enforcement or social organizations. Beyond this, you might state something along the lines of “what you say here stays here.” If at any time you wish to publicly disclose the private information of a client for any reason, always secure their written approval beforehand.
Groups and Teams
The group creates its own sphere with its own boundary within which respect, trust, and safety must be established and maintained. It’s often beneficial to solicit ideas and assistance directly from the group regarding how to accomplish these tasks. In this way, you allow the group to form and direct itself. You can also lead group activities designed to build trust and respect. Group exercises can also facilitate teambuilding and the development of leadership skills, and the specifics of these will depend on context, group / team, goals, and priorities.
Reflection: Respect, Trust, and Safety
Take a moment to reflect on the following questions.
Think of a relationship you know of that is characterized by a high degree of mutual respect. Then think of one that is characterized by little or no mutual respect. How is trust generated or lost in each case?
Do people trust you? Do you trust yourself? Do you trust others?
What makes you feel safe? What doesn’t make you feel safe?
Do you generally feel safe in groups?
Readiness for Coaching
Prior to formalizing the coaching relationship, a coach should evaluate a potential client’s readiness for coaching. This evaluation consists of two primary considerations.
First, is coaching the most suitable intervention at this time, or would the individual be better served by some other modality. To assist with this part of your evaluation, you may wish to ask a potential client whether they are currently seeing a therapist, counselor, or similar professional.
Second, is the individual sufficiently motivated to benefit from coaching at this time. An intake questionnaire can assist with your evaluation, an example of which is provided below. During the first or second meeting, you will also want to begin identifying the client’s core values, and devise a plan or purpose for the coaching relationship.
Contracts
A contract is the last step in formalizing the coaching relationship, and it is an integral part of ethical business practice. While the precise content of this document varies, a typical coaching contract will contain information regarding the services to be rendered, fees, payment procedures, appointment scheduling and cancellations, length of the relationship, terminating the relationship, confidentiality, and legalities such as therapist referrals. Both coach and client sign and date the contract and it is kept on file.
CORE COACHING SKILL 2
Listening
Effective listening is an essential coaching skill. Effective listening has been variously termed active, mindful, engaged, or authentic. Regardless of the precise terminology used, effective listening requires concentrated focus. Like any other skill, listening can be learned and refined. To gain an understanding of what it takes to be an effective listener, let’s take a look at various types of listening that are not effective.
Ineffective Listening
An ineffective listener is not present; instead, they are off in their own world. They may appear to be listening, but in actuality they are hearing the thoughts in their own mind more than the words being spoken aloud. At another level, an ineffective listener may hear what you’re saying, but only as it relates to themselves. Ineffective listeners may try to “fix” a problem or situation for you, interrupt for their own benefit, continually reply with comments about themselves, or thoughtlessly change the subject. These “listening” behaviours are not effective.
Effective Listening
In contrast, effective listeners direct their full concentration and focus toward the person who is speaking. Effective listeners cultivate a set of behaviours that support the speaker including concentration, mindfulness, authenticity, body language, openness, receptivity, and intuition. Together, these behaviours are less a set of techniques to be performed and more a way of being in relation to oneself and others. Effective listening is, at its best, selfless service. Let’s look more closely at the elements of effective listening.
Concentration & Presence
Effective listening begins with the ability to concentrate and be present – to set aside all your own concerns and focus your full attention on another person. Concentration is a skill in itself, and one that takes practice to perfect.
In Health Coaching for Behavior Change, Karen Lawson identifies the following blocks to presence: busyness, stress, fear, concern over what others will think, feeling inadequate, lack of desire/intent to be present, need to be in control, lack of patience, fatigue, and distractions, among others.
Mindfulness
“Mindful listening,” Rebecca Shafir says in her book The Zen of Listening, is “a synergy of three factors – relaxation, focus, and a desire to learn or gain another’s perspective” (23). Being mindful takes constant vigilance. Practices like meditation, yoga, and tai chi can help you to develop mindful awareness.
Body Language
Effective listeners use body language to support the process of communication.
As a listener, squarely face the speaker with an open posture.
Arms and legs are uncrossed, eye contact is sustained and relaxed, eyebrows are slightly raised to indicate interest, and a head nod or murmur of understanding is used at key moments.
Avoid fidgeting, shifting your gaze, swinging in your chair, tapping your feet, and the like.
Your body language should send the message that you are present, attentive, open, interested, and engaged.
Receptivity and Intuition
Effective listening also entails receiving information through all your senses. Listen not only with your ears, but also with your eyes, your heart, and your intuition.
Intuition, in fact, may be one of the most important components of effective listening. What are you feeling? What are you sensing? What is your “gut” telling you? What is not being said? Does the body language you are seeing match the words you are hearing? Regarding the information you receive through your intuition, it’s a good idea to check with your client to see if it resonates with them.
Interrupting
However, as a coach, there may be circumstances when interrupting is warranted. If in the process of listening mindfully, you notice a negative train of thought that undermines the client’s goals, it would be a waste of time not to interrupt and redirect the focus. This type of interruption is firmly rooted in mindful listening and a clear knowledge of the client. It is not done for one’s own benefit, but for the benefit of the client.
CORE COACHING SKILL 3
Asking Questions
Skillful Questioning
The ability to ask the right question at the right time is an essential skill for coaches. While questions can help the coach better understand the client’s perspective, a coach asks questions primarily for the benefit of the client, not to satisfy their own curiosity or need to know. More specifically, questions should facilitate a client’s thinking and assist them with identifying goals, devising solutions, and crafting plans of action. As a coach, you can also use questions to restate something a client has said, so they know they have been heard. Let’s look at various types of questions and which are most, and least, effective for a coaching situation.
Question Types
Effective Question Types
Open-ended questions are highly effective during coaching. These questions cannot be answered by ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and often begin with the words who, what, when, where, and how. Open-ended questions may also begin with the word why, but be very careful asking why questions (see below for more on this point).
Examples of open-ended questions:
What are the alternatives?
How can you reach a win-win outcome?
Who exhibits behaviours that you admire?
Follow-up questions are extremely important during coaching and ask the speaker to provide more information about something they’ve said, possibly in response to another question.
Examples of follow-up questions:
Tell me more about Marty and what you admire about his behaviour. When have you displayed similar behaviour?
What are three different actions you can take to further your project? How can you begin to take these actions immediately?
Powerful questions, as Neale, Spencer-Arnell, and Wilson explain, “knock the [client] off balance, challenging them to think about something in a very different way” (Emotional Intelligence Coaching, 189). These questions can do a lot of coaching work for you.
Examples of powerful questions:
What would you do if you had only one year left to live? Imagine the perfect scenario – how can you bring it about? How would you proceed if you knew you could not fail?
You questions seek out the client’s views, shorten the problem-solving process, and pave the way for specific change recommendations, as Bill Borcherdt explains in Fundamentals of Cognitive-Behavior Therapy. These types of questions help the client to know themselves and to discover their inner resources.
Examples of 'you' questions:
What is your current view of the situation? How would you like to feel?
What existing skills and abilities do you have to help you achieve XYZ?
CORE COACHING SKILL 4
Maintaining The trajectory
Once you have established goals and an individual plan of action with a client, the focus shifts to maintaining the trajectory and staying the course. This involves using all the skills we’ve covered so far, including learning, listening, mindfulness, concentration, and questioning.
Maintaining the trajectory may require a steady process of refinement and tuning, or it may flow smoothly from the action plan. Every client and situation is different, and the best approach is to be prepared to adjust as necessary..
STAYING FOCUSED ON THE GOAL
As a coach, your job is to help your client stay focused on their goals, both in a short-term context and in a long-term context. One of the most valuable services a coach can offer a client is a consistent, nonjudgmental, clear-seeing perspective.
You may simply need to gently remind a client of their stated goal or ask a question such as, “How will that further your goal of XYZ?” Other clients may need a more involved form of intervention, such as help with motivation, stress reduction, or time management.
Navigating Toward Solutions
From a very practical perspective, you can help your clients navigate toward solutions by helping them identify what is needed to get from point A to point B. Instead of viewing or labeling a situation as a “problem,” for example, consider talking in terms of opportunity and possibility. This shift in perspective can work like magic to dispel all kinds of demons that may lurk along the path to the goal. Instead of problem-solvers, you and your client are possibility-seekers.
Ask questions such as, “What resources do you currently have that can be used to bring about what you want?” and “What if this problem was really the greatest opportunity you’ve ever been given?” Like steering a ship toward shore, steer your client toward realizing the shortest path toward realizing their goals.
Changing Belief Systems
Learning and growing necessarily bring with them changes in perceptions and perspectives. To accomplish change, we must be willing to accept these changes, which may also entail changing our beliefs. As a coach, your role is to assist your clients with these shifts.
Help the client to remain open, self-aware, honest, and willing to accept responsibility for their goals, beliefs, values, and lives.
Examples of belief changes include the following: “I can’t change” becomes “I can change”, “I am stuck” becomes “I am free”, “I must control others” becomes “I must control myself”, and “I fear failure” becomes “Failure is impossible.”
RESISTANCE AND MOTIVATION
Possible sources of resistance and a lack of motivation include fear of failure, not believing the effort will bring results, feeling unworthy of happiness, and fear of how others will react, among others.
In these cases, try to find out what will dissolve the resistance with the least amount of effort. Focus on what it takes to move forward.
ORGANIZATION AND PLANNING
Ask questions to find out where the client is, what they have tried, and what might benefit them. Do they have a calendar of some sort, either paper or digital? Sometimes a filing or color-coding system can work wonders.
Try setting some goals specifically regarding organization and planning. What practical steps can you take to organize your office? Do you know what you’d like to accomplish in the next day, week, month, and year? These strategies can work together with, support, and augment the individual plan of action.
TIME MANAGEMMANAGEMENT
Help your client identify and set appropriate boundaries that will support them in reaching their goals. For example, suppose a client wants more time to spend with their family but doesn’t have any idea how to make that happen. Ask if there is anything that can be cut out – e.g., meetings or commute time. Be ruthless about priorities and get creative about finding solutions.
Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is the respect we have for ourselves as individuals. A lack of self-esteem can be a major block to forward movement for many. Some indicators of low self-esteem include fears of rejection or abandonment, the inability to meet personal needs and wants, negative thought patterns, inability to solve problems, and self-protective behavior or body language.
STRESS
Brainstorm and list any and all ideas and then help your client with the step-by-step process of implementation. Managing stress also involves identifying ways to increase joy, rest, and relaxation.
CORE COACHING SKILL 5
Reflection ,Feedback & Accountability
Reflection
The word ‘reflection’ is itself a useful point of consideration. To reflect can mean to show, send something back, or mirror. It can also mean to think, consider, and contemplate, and in this sense reflection is a natural companion to the type of mindful awareness that we addressed in a previous module. Engaging in reflection in all these ways is useful in a coaching context
Self-Reflection
You can and should think about or contemplate your role as a coach, along with every other area of your life, so you can be at your best for your clients. This process is called self- reflection, and it enhances your emotional intelligence.
Feedback
Reinforcing Feedback
Use reinforcing feedback to nurture existing talents and skills and to encourage your clients to engage in self-reflection, learn, and find their own solutions.
The following is a three-step approach to providing reinforcing feedback:
Step One: Observe objectively. Pay attention to language, body language, and actions, but also your intuitive sense of the client’s talents, abilities, and potential.
Step Two: State something that you have observed. “I noticed that the audience snapped to attention when you started to speak.”
Step Three: Encourage appreciation, self-reflection, learning, or self-assessment about what you have observed using an appreciative comment or question. “What was your experience as you gave the speech?” “You seem to be at ease in front of large groups.”
ACCOUNTABILITY
Accountability encourages clients to take responsibility for their own actions, behaviours, and outcomes.
Exercise: SMART Accountability
Think of a goal you’d like to accomplish and write it at the top of a piece of paper. Below it, map out a SMART accountability agreement for achieving your goal.
Growth, Transformation, and Empowerment
Supporting Change and Growth
Very often, it can be one step forward and two steps back. Some clients may need to face fears of the unknown, whilst others may attempt to race ahead before they’re ready or have built the necessary infrastructures to support the new. Fits and starts are a normal part of growth and are best seen through with steady commitment and focus. Fears can be managed by asking questions like, “What is the worst thing that can happen and how would you deal with it?” Be committed to staying with the process and supporting your client regardless of the time involved , setbacks, roadblocks, resistance, or any other occurrences along the way.
Transformation
The word ‘transformation’ implies a deep level of growth and change, much like the process a caterpillar undergoes to become a butterfly. This level of change is necessarily destabilizing at times, and for some clients it can be disorienting and possibly even frightening at times. As a coach, one of your primary tasks is to be an anchor – a steady source of guidance, support, and reassurance – even when the seas are rough and the way is dark.
Self-Actualization and Empowerment
Self-actualization is the desire to achieve one’s full potential. Psychologist Abraham Maslow locates self-actualization at the top of his hierarchy of needs and observed that self-actualized individuals share certain characteristics including autonomy, acceptance of self and others, and a sense of responsibility. By facilitating the development of these and similar characteristics, the coach is in the business of supporting the process of self-actualization.
Conclusion
In conclusion, hiring a life coach can bring about positive transformative in your life. From clarifying your goals and overcoming limiting beliefs to enhancing your self-confidence and managing stress, a life coach offers invaluable support and guidance throughout your personal and professional journey. They help you tap into your true potential, discover your passions, and create actionable plans to achieve your dreams. With their expertise, accountability, and unwavering belief in your abilities, a life coach empowers you to break through barriers, cultivate fulfilling relationships, and find a harmonious work-life balance. By investing in a life coach, you invest in yourself, opening doors to personal fulfillment, happiness, and a more meaningful and purposeful existence.
Life coaching can help you achieve success, by identifying your goals, developing a plan, and overcoming obstacles, you can reach your full potential and create the life you want. With the support of a life coach, you can stay motivated and focused on your journey.
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